Avoiding...

I have been avoiding blogging.. but more and more I feel God wanting me to share... I know it's for the good, so thats others can pray for me but that stupid pride has come back to tell me I can handle this alone.. I know however that I can't....

Some of you may not know and most of you do that my little nephew Marcos passed away July 22... It's been rough.. I have been selfish in wanting him here, in wanting to take pictures of him at the orphanage, I had clothes packed and a list made of things to check for so when I got back Joe and Joanne would be ready for him as far as diapers and food and clothes go..I have been selfish in wanting him to be there and holding him posting those cute pics of Auntie and Nephew time ,of wanting to add more into my neices and nephews scrapbook.. I wanted to be able to bring him back with me, to tell him how much his parents love him I wanted to spoil him like I have all my other 7 neices and nephews that are here on this earth I wanted to go and see him, not his gravesite.

But I have to realize the joy in all of the... He is Perfectly whole with God right now, He is being held by his grandpa(my dad) no longer having to worry about pain or medicines, no more surgeries or even where his next meal will come from.

God can give him more love then I can ever imagine.

God is working in my heart hard, Satan is trying to fight as well.. I know I need to go, I want to go, this country and this orphange has been on my heart for so long I would regret staying and not listening to God..

From the bottom of my heart I thank everyone who has supported me not only financially but praying for me and encouraging me and giving me shoulder after shoulder to cry on...

This trip is going to be harder then I imagined now...

With God by my side...